Musings On A Placid Afternoon

●  Here in Florida, cockroaches tend to be the size of Boeings.  As I was reaching into a dark corner at the back of a seldom used outdoor closet, one ran over the back of my hand.  That was about four hours ago and I can still feel it.

●  We have more twist ties in this house than we will ever use.  They just seem to accumulate like wire coat hangers.  We’ll never use them all, and they just sit in one of the kitchen drawers.  Every time we buy a new pack of garbage bags or bin liners, there is another raft of a couple of dozen twist ties.  No, I think, we don’t need these, and I’m even thinking that as I shove them in the drawer with all the others, but I do it anyway.

●  The other evening we were watching the first two episodes of the eagerly awaited second season (second series, I should say, since it is a British show) of “Life On Mars” which is one of my current faves.   I should imagine that when it is shown in England its transmission time is after the 9.00pm watershed, which means that it is officially in grown-up time and pretty much anything is permitted.  BBC America, however, likes to make use of the bleep facility to protect delicate transatlantic ears. They don’t bleep actually, they just blank out words so you get a moment of silence.  You can always tell, though, what word has been cut out.  Okay, it annoys me to be treated like some little old lady who is going to have a fit of the vapours if I hear anyone say fuck (I’m watching a gritty detective drama – how else do I expect them to talk?) but I do wonder at their consistency.  Who sets the policy, and why?  On Tuesday evening we heard shit and bullshit several times, but for some reason we weren’t allowed to hear tits.  WTF?  Sorry, I mean WT<blank>?  Shit is okay but tits are not?  Who says?  I know which I’d prefer to be surrounded by.

●  What is it about waiting rooms that I find it so hard not to fall asleep in them?  As soon as I sit down in a waiting room, especially a doctor’s waiting room when it’s not me seeing the doctor, I feel my eyelids get heavy and unless they are playing a TV at full volume (I hate that!) I find it very hard to stay awake. Often I don’t.  My wife has a thing about me sleeping in public places and scolds me if she comes out of the doctor’s room and finds me dozing in a chair. I’m not sure why.  As soon as we leave the waiting room I am wide awake again.

●  I read here (in a sidebar) with astonishment and a sense of bewildered disbelief that it is estimated that in Britain, over the coming Christmas season, people will consume (i.e. eat) approximately 15000 tonnes of Brussels sprouts. That is, according to the article, the weight of approximately 37 Jumbo jets – laden or unladen it didn’t say, but either way the idea is horrific. I had to stagger to the nearest armchair and rest awhile after I read that. Can it be true?  Does anyone not at gunpoint eat those little green turds?  I may have to go home – obviously  my people need me.

●  Well, anyway, I’m getting my life in order, thanks mainly to the wonderful people who have been sending me spam.  There are very few things in life that can not, it seems, be improved by people who fill my bulk mail folder.   I can boost my employment prospects by  sending off for a degree from a fully accredited university without having to do any time-consuming studying or sitting exams. They’ll just send me a diploma or certificate after they get my cash.  I see there are repossessed cars on offer for a fraction of their real cost, there are places  waiting to sell me designer clothing at bargain basement rates and apparently I have won at least two laptops.  If I need to know the time, someone is kindly offering me a discounted Rolex watch.  If I want to be a bedroom athlete, I know who to e-mail to get four inches added to my penis, and if it doesn’t function properly there is no end of people offering to sell me cheap Viagra, or Vi@gra as they spell it for some reason.  And money is no object!  At least three loans, which I don’t actually remember applying for, have been approved, the widow of the late Minster of Justice of Liberia has written to me with a brilliant money making scheme and as if that weren’t enough, it seems I have won the jackpot in the British lottery!  Life is good!

.

Comments

[Nichole]

15000 tons of Brussel sprouts? I'm not sure I've ever had brussel sprouts, but they have never sounded appetizing.

I don't watch BBC often, so I wasn't aware that they bleep out words. I hate it when they remove the words from songs, leaving an awkward moment of silence that doesn't prevent anyone from knowing exactly what they were planning on saying. It would drive me insane if they cut out words on my television shows!

[PJ]

I won't be contributing towards the consumption of all those brussels. Someone else can have my share.

[Titania]

Hi Nicholas,
I do hope the cockroaches have not carried away anything important, like a family pet. My grandparents lived in Orlando so I understand what you are talking about.

I am a fan of "Life On Mars"! I love that show! I agree that we need to quit being so prudish. I quite enjoy hearing a F**k F**k here and a f**k f**k there, every now and then. :o)~

Brussel sprouts! What in the hell is up with that? They are eating those green turds on purpose? OMG! Is that something special that Brits do on the holidays only?
I love about all veggies but these. I wonder if they would make good golf balls? Nah.... too little.

Great post.

Have a great week !

Tawnya

[Wylie]

EEWWW on the cockroach thing. We've got the same breed in Bermuda and I learned over the years to pre-bang cupboard doors that haven't been used in awhile before opening.

LOL on sprouts. My limey hubby LOVES them. I hate cooking them because they smell like rotten socks, but I treat him at Christmas.

And hey - did you know that I can make $1500-$5000 PER WEEK!! just by working at home for a few hours?

[Penelope Anne]

What would life be without spam????
So you sleep in waiting rooms too? Papa Bear does that and I used to scold him, now I think who cares....the man's tired deal with it. When he falls asleep as I am talking to him though....he better watch out.
Yuck to the cockroaches, I have seen very few in my life and would prefer to keep it that way.
And finally maybe you could design some clever art from all those twist ties.

[amypalko]

Ok, Hands up! I am one of those Brits consuming the brussel sprouts. And I don't do it a gunpoint! I actually quite like them, and, perhaps even more shockingly, I have raised my kids to like them too.
I also just loved Life on Mars! The country was abuzz with that show and how it was going to conclude. Do you know that they're making a sequel called Ashes to Ashes which is going to feature D.I. Hunt and the rest of the 1970s coppers with a female psychological profiler from the 00s, and the whole thing is to be set in 1981. You can find out more about it here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/pressreleases/stories/2007/04_april/11/ashes.shtml
Ooh, I can't wait!

[EuroPosh]

I love Brussels sprouts!!! either boiled and with crumbled bread and butter, or raw and grated...

and speaking of cockroaches -- we've just caught a rat in a trap... it's a looong story and I may post about it, once I get over the feeling of disgust...

[Rasmenia]

I've seen those colossal Floridian cockroaches & have engaged them in hand-to-hand combat on more than one occasion.

I'm sure the key to destroying them can be found in large quantities of Brussels sprouts.

[Rachel]

Thanks for droping by my blog and leaving that nice comment.

Oh, that cockroach.. oh oh. I don't know if you do poetry, but there's a poem in there somewhere... oh, yuck.

You know, I've been thinking of having some brussle sprouts... but I haven't had any since I was a child. I'm wondering if they are good or not. Now I'm afraid to try them. Perhaps I should rethink this and go with green beans instead. Hmm...

[marilyn]

Big bugs are the only drawback of constant warm weather, that I can think of anyway.

I think the censors ask themselves if a word or concept is fun, if it is then it must be evil... therefore, sex is bad but shit and violence are okay.

[Summer Squirrel]

Ugh, cockroaches. We got big flying ones here in Houston. They always seem to be aiming for my head while I'm screaming and running for cover. Ughhhhh!

Ugh, brussle sprouts. The Brits can have them all!

Cheers!

[maggie]

I love brussels sprouts. There are ways to make them wonderful - write if you'd like inspiration.

[Melissa]

Ah yes....the flying Houston roach. It's been ten years since I lived there and the thought still makes me shudder.

My husband and I were talking about the odd bleeping on BBC-A, too. Shit, but not T**? And we were watching Torchwood which I think only the credits would make it through on American TV. Especially the last couple of episodes.

And I like the sprouts, too. Didn't used to until I found a good way to prepare them. Sauteed with garlic and parmesean cheese.

[DB]

Cockroaches (or Palmetto bugs): one reason out of many I would NEVER ever live in Florida.

What the fuck is with the British and...brussels sprouts?

[Janet]

that's fucking gross, about the cockroach, YUCK! One of the many reasons I could never live in FL.

Oh, and I puffy pink heart brussels sprouts :-)