A Gentleman's Domain

Thursday Thirteen #89

Last week I listed thirteen movies I have never seen.  This week it's TV programs.   They are all pretty mainstream, and all are successful,  but I have never felt any inclination to watch them.  They neither interest nor attract, so I don't bother.

Thirteen TV Shows I Have Never Seen

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American Idol

CSI (any of them)

The Biggest Loser

Entourage

Oprah

Will And Grace

Numb3rs

Survivor

Grey's Anatomy

The View

Bones

Southland

Everybody Loves Raymond
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Thursday Thirteen #88

Either due to disinclination, lethargy or lack of opportunity, here are

Thirteen Movies I Have Never Seen

E.T.

Terminator

The Princess Diaries

Apocalypse Now

The Sound Of Music

The Passion Of The Christ

The Lion King

Reservoir Dogs

The Wizard of Oz

Gandhi

Toy Story

It's A Wonderful Life

Dances With Wolves

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Thursday Thirteen #87

If you have ever been in the unhappy situation of having to make an insurance claim following a car accident, you’ll know that on the claim form you have to say what happened.  I found the following in a book called Anguished English  by Richard Lederer.  They are excerpts from actual accident reports from people making claims on their motor insurance.  Here are thirteen examples.

1.    Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

2.    I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

3.    I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the hood of my car.

4.    A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife’s face.

5.    I had been driving for about 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

6.    The guy was all over the road.  I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

7.    My car was legally parked as I backed into the other vehicle.

8.    The accident happened when the right front door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal.

9.    The other man changed his mind and I had to run into him.

10.    The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

11.    The pedestrian ran for the pavement but I got him.

12.    In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

13.    A cow wandered into my car.  I was later informed that the unfortunate cow was half-witted.

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Thursday Thirteen #86

There are a great many things I have never done.  I suppose we can all say that.  Anyway, either through choice, lack of opportunity, lethargy or simple good fortune, the following are...

13 Things I Have Never Done

I have never been to Las Vegas.  Well,  I could say that about most places in the world, but Vegas is different, somewhere millions of people do visit, and somewhere I’d like to go.  My wife, however, loathes the very idea of the place, so it looks as though I shall not be going.  It’s not as though I could sneak off there one evening without anyone finding out.

I have never used a Blackberry, iPhone or Mac.  Actually, now I come to think of it, I have seen them in stores, on display but I have never seen one being used.

I have never been in hospital as an adult.  When I was five, I spent one night in hospital with suspected appendicitis.  False alarm.  Never been back.

I have never sung Karaoke.  In fact I have never been anywhere where it was happening.  Seeing “Karaoke Friday Nights!” on a poster outside a bar is a very good reason to wait until Saturday before going there.

I have never watched American Idol.  I don’t really care for people singing songs,  especially those sort of people and those sort of songs, so I have no plans ever to do so.  Also, I have never watched Eastenders,  Coronation Street,  Brookside or  Emmerdale Farm.  Those names will only have significance for Brits.  They are four very popular TV soap opera in the UK, but I never watched any of them in all the years I lived there.  All British soap operas seem to be based on the idea of bums-in-the-slums and I am not interested.

I have never had an espresso coffee.  Cappuccino, yes, in quantity.  The occasional latte. Drip filter coffee of all varieties, including decaf, since I was a youngster.  Ditto instant.  But never espresso.  Come to that, I have never had a Martini. Or a margarita.  Actually there is any number of drinks and cocktails I haven’t tried.  I must be living a very sheltered life.

I have never done jury duty, and probably never will.  I can’t serve here unless I become a US citizen, and when we return to Britain I shall, as a former police officer, be exempt.

I have never been to an Indian restaurant.  In England, these are everywhere, and Indian food is extremely popular, with curry apparently the favourite dish nationally.  I can’t stand the stuff, or any kind of Indian food, which seems to me to bear a passing resemblance to sewage.  So, while almost everyone I knew in England had a favourite Indian restaurant (usually called Taj Mahal  or The Star of Bengal), I have never set foot in one.  They are far easier to avoid here. In the town where I live I believe there are two, but I couldn’t tell you where.

I have never been scuba diving.   I’d like to try, because I love the sea.  I expect I shall one day.

I have never used cruise control on my car, or on any car.  We bought our Ford in 2001 and it is still going very well, never causing problems, and I suspect we’ll have it for some years yet.  There are four buttons on the crossbar of the steering wheel which, I believe, are something to do with cruise control but in 8 years I have never pressed any of them.

I have never played golf.  I know people can get obsessed by the game.  My ex-wife, for example, fell a happy victim to it, but I just do not see the attraction.

I have never changed a tire (or tyre, as I instinctively want to write it).   This is simply a matter of good fortune on my part, never having had to.  I expect I am tempting fate by writing that and will find myself needing to change a tire before the week is out.  I am probably tempting fate with my next “never” but…

I have never broken a bone.  Stupid thing to day!
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Thursday Thirteen #85

I’m asking for your help again, friendly TTers!   This week I’m listing some books I have bought or otherwise acquired but haven’t got round to reading yet.  Do any of you know any of these?  Can you recommend any, or warn me against any?   All comments of all kinds will be most gratefully received.

13 Books from my TBR shelf

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Thursday Thirteen #84

13 Strange Words: and a definition to go with each one

Borbazz – An old fashioned type of trombone.

Wourne – A kind of glue used in bookbinding.

Sterr – A general term for all forms of infection of the digestive tract.

Volonalk – A species of giant seaweed, now thought to be extinct.

Outgan – The pledge of loyalty a medieval knight’s wife would make to her husband.

Jobels  – The part of a brass hinge that attaches to the door frame, rather than the door itself.

Gafflers – The name for fragments of perished rubber that flake off when it is handled.

Belat – A salad found in Bulgaria, containing green vegetables mixed with raw eggs.

Fownsupp – An archaic slang word for umbrella.

Pereti – The technical term for the cords that hold together a Venetian blind.

Pitypefi – A derogatory name for quack medicines in fancy bottles.

Oscatord – A short flight of steps made of unseasoned wood.

Hasubber –  The correct term for the excrement of maggots.  

Forcurs –  Cracks that appear in the glaze on old china.

There are two things to note here.  One is that there are more than thirteen words.  The other is that I said there was a definition to go with each one but I never said that those definitions were accurate.  In fact, I made them all up.  All those “words” are actually word verifications that I encountered when commenting at Blogger sites over the last couple of weeks.
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Thursday Thirteen #83

I saw this feature in the Daily Telegraph not long ago.  A number of British travel agents were surveyed and asked what were the stupidest complaints that returning holiday makers had ever made to them.  Here are thirteen of them, all genuine!

"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

"The beach was too sandy."

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (about $6.00) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

“No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

“I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

The full list published by the Telegraph is here.

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Thursday Thirteen #82

Some time ago I included Forgotten English by Jeffrey Kacirk in a TT about two-word book titles.  This time I’m making use of what it contains. As the title suggests, it is a book of old words from the English language that have become obsolete over the centuries.  There are some in the book that one does come across from time to time (e.g. Frippery and Succubus) but most have become very obscure indeed.  Even so, they are still words available to us all, and they each still carry a specific meaning.  It would be nice to see some of them brought back into general use. For my part, even though Word spell checker objected to all of the ones on the following list, I have added them all to my dictionary so that if I am moved to use them again I won’t see one of those impertinent wavy red lines under them.  If you feel you’d like to buy Kacirk’s book click here.  Meanwhile here are…

Thirteen English Words That Have Fallen Into Disuse

Gargarice –  In the thirteenth century you would not have asked your spouse or partner to pass the Listerine or Scope.  Instead, you would have called for some gargarice. It was a mouthwash which may have contained some or all of the following: vinegar, pepper, honey, wine, salt, vegetable juice or others unknown.  I wonder how it left your breath.

Boanthropy  –  You may have heard of lycanthropy, which is a disorder in which one imagines one is a wolf.  Boanthropy is the name for the delusion that one is an ox.

Neidfyre – Fire, but not just any old fire.  This word signifies specifically fire created by rubbing two sticks together.

Ambodexter – A contemptuous term for an unethical lawyer.  I’m sure we could revive this one. It would make a good  title for a John Grisham novel.

Tut  –  Up until the mid-nineteenth century at least this was a general purpose word to describe any fanciful or supernatural beings.

Mocteroof – Just as supermarkets today polish apples and rub wax on peppers to make them look more attractive, so in the 1800s did market traders and peddlers dress up and wax fruit and vegetables that were spoiled, in order to deceive their customers.  This activity was known as mocteroof.

Feague – This word has a very particular meaning and I don’t see it being revived in general use, unfortunately.  It is a verb, meaning to administer to a horse a suppository made of untreated ginger.  I don’t know if vets do it a lot these days, but if they do I’m sure they will be glad to know they have a special word for it.

Catchpoule – A tax gatherer.   Also there was Cachpule  (no connection with the foregoing) which was a sixteenth century word for a tennis court.

Fleam – In the old days they used to think that all sorts of disorders could be cured by bleeding, and a fleam was the tool they cut you open with.  There’s not much demand for them these days.

Piepowder – Originally it meant an itinerant peddler, but the meaning broadened to include any wayfarer, especially a stranger.

Farctate –  I’m sure we are all familiar with this, even if we haven’t heard of this archaic name for it.  It’s the condition of feeling full or even bloated after a big meal.

Piggesnye – Literally, a sweet little pig’s eye.  A long time ago, i.e. the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries, it was a term of endearment for a sweetheart.  I haven’t tried it out on my wife yet, but if I do I shall make sure I have the book close to hand to prove that I speak with none but the most noble of intentions.

Mumpsimus – An incorrigible pedant.  Who, me?
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Thursday Thirteen #81

Thirteen words we almost always use

only in their negative forms

I've put the familiar negative forms in brackets after each one

Advertent    (Inadvertent)

Descript    (Nondescript)

Evitable    (Inevitable)

Couth        (Uncouth)

Odorant    (Deodorant)

Pervious    (Impervious)

Biotic        (Antibiotic)

Gust        (Disgust)

Feckful    (Feckless)

Maculate    (Immaculate)

Licit        (Illicit)

Histamine    (Antihistamine)

Infectant    (Disinfectant)

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Thursday Thirteen #80

Thirteen places we eat and drink!

Cheddar

Cognac

Bologna

Champagne

Edam

Mocha

Tabasco

Roquefort

Camembert

Turkey

Brie

Burgundy

Gouda

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