Thursday Thirteen #28

It is my dearest wish to meet as many of you T13ers in person as possible.  I  don’t know how likely that is, seeing that we are scattered around the world, but it is a lovely idea.  However, if it does happen, and I say one of the following things, then leap up from your chair and head for the hills, because it means that the Pod People have arrived and they are taking us over, one by one, as we sleep.  If you run fast enough, you may save yourself.   You will know it isn’t really me because these are

          Thirteen Things You Will Never Hear Me Say

1. “I don’t think I’ll buy a book right now, thank you.”    What an utterly preposterous idea!  You can never have too any books.  I have about 1200 in the room where I am sitting now and there is shelf space for about a couple of hundred more.  When that is filled up, I’ll buy more shelves.   I have been a bibliophile since I was about 10, and I don’t regret it for a second.

2. “Take me out to the ball game.”    I was obviously born without a sports gene.  There is nothing more likely to reduce me to a state of catatonic boredom than sport of any kind.  Ok, I get it. People, alone or in teams, hit, kick, throw or otherwise propel balls here and there and somehow or other score points.   Yawn.  One exception.  Every four years the World Cup takes place, and I really get into that. That is followed by another three years and eleven months of total indifference. So, I am next due to enjoy sport in the summer of 2010.

3. “Please pass the vegetables.”   I posted about this elsewhere in my blog some months ago.  While I love most kinds of fruit, I heartily loathe almost all vegetables. It is beyond my ability to understand how people can put that green compost in their mouths, let alone bite down on it and swallow it.

4. “Cats are people too, you know.”    I’m very fond of our cats.  I make a fuss of them, I enjoy their company and they do seem to be fond of me in return.  But they are cats, not people.  They can’t speak, they can’t write, they certainly can’t blog, not even in baby talk, and they are not concerned with most of the things that engage my interest.  There are lots of things going on in my life that do not remotely involve cats.  I’m just glad to have them around when I’m at home. They are lovely animals.

5. “Baby, you can drive my car”   No, sorry, that’s not going to happen.  My wife can't operate a manual transmission, so I am the only one who drives our car.  The insurance doesn’t cover anyone else anyway.  So, it’s just me, myself and I behind the wheel.

6. “I hope it snows”   Don’t get me wrong.  Snow is fine in its place – on mountains and Christmas cards.  It’s when it gets absolutely everywhere that it becomes such a pest.  It is very deceptive, because for the first few hours after its arrival it looks so pretty, and as soon as you step out of doors  there is a muffled silence about  the place that makes you think you have stepped into some charming land of snowmen and elves, where your daily reality is somehow cleansed by this coating of soft, downy white. This of course does not last. Snow is cold, intrusive, it gets in the way of you going from A to B and it forces you to wrap up in several extra layers of clothing before you leave the sanctuary of your home. It can even kill.  It hangs around for days, weeks or even months (I have experienced several Canadian winters).  There is an apocryphal story that the Inuit have dozens of words to describe different kinds of snow. We have only three – snow, sleet and slush.  In Florida, I am happily spared further acquaintance with all three.

7. “Yes”  (to the question “Does this make me look fat?”)    Because I enjoy life and do not wish for it to end suddenly!

8. “Lets go see slasher movie”   These were, probably still are, very popular.  As far as I can gather, they follow a set formula, and they make money hand over fist.  I can not bring myself to go see one.  I know they are classed as horror but I think of them more as revulsion movies – an opportunity for a very unpleasant kind of man to see women, often teenaged girls, being terrified, mutilated and killed.  I’m not in favour of banning anything, but I want no part of it.

9. “Appropriate”   This word has been so overused, and "inappropriate" too, over the last decade or two that it has lost its original meaning.  I hate it. It sounds mealy mouthed and divisive. “That’s inappropriate!”  meaning : “I don’t like it, so you can’t do it.”  So many better words one can use.

10. “Let’s go for an Indian”  as they say in England.  Meaning, let us repair to a nearby Indian restaurant to partake of a repast consisting of their ethnic cuisine.   Indian food is the most popular ethnic food in Britain, with Indian restaurants all over the place.  But I have never set foot in one, because I just can’t stand the stuff, or spicy food of any kind.  Season food with herbs as much as you like.  I adore continental cuisine of all kinds.  But spoil it by bunging in a load of spices to cover the taste and burn your mouth; that makes no sense to me.  Ugh!

11. “Let me show you how to juggle”    Much as I would love to, I am incapable of doing anything like that.  I am not merely right handed, but am so non-left-handed that I lack the co-ordination needed to do things like juggle.  I once remarked that my left hand only serves to stop the blood leaking out of the end of my arm

12. “Let’s use the drive thru”   I’ve never liked using those things.  I hate the whole business of ordering food by shouting from my car into a concealed microphone somewhere,  relaying orders from other people in the vehicle, asking the voice at the other end of the loudspeaker to repeat herself because she is unintelligible, and having to make up my mind what I’m going to eat as quickly as possible because there are two or three other impatient cars behind me.  I prefer to park, get out of my car, and make an unhurried decision about what I want, order in a normal, conversational tone, and hand the cash to someone whom I can understand.  Far more civilized all round.

13. “In my humble opinion”   Nah!  They are never humble!

.

Comments

[jennifer]

Oh come on we all know that cats ARE people!!

[Tink]

If I say #1 or #3 I'm taken over too! 7 and 13 made me laugh. :-)
My TT is a slideshow of 13 pictures of fungi I made last weekend.

[amypalko]

Oh dear, I think I just used "in my humble opinion" in my last email! Apart from that, and the veg, and the indian food, I'm pretty much with you on all of these. I don't like the snow unless I'm inside looking out at it, with no plans to travel anywhere. I can't stand sport, and that includes the world cup, I'm afraid! And I'm thinking of buying a second home just to house my books (just kidding!!).
Great post, Nicholas! I really enjoyed reading it.
My TT is up now, if you fancy popping over for a read.
Happy TT!

[Robin from Israel]

You will never, ever, ever catch me at a slasher movie.

And, I went on a binge and bought about 8 books this week. (Parents coming for a visit = opportunity for big Amazon order)

[Chelle Y.]

Those are so funny and I now realize how completely opposite we are! Haha!

#1? Now, that is a big shock! Yeah, right! :)

[ellen b]

That was hilarious. Let's go for an Indian wouldn't survive our politically correct mind set in the USA! We are so pathetic :)
Cheers!

[Malcolm]

Nearly every man can relate to #7. Any man who does answer yes to that question deserves what he gets.

I used to despise vegetables when I was younger. However, I have started to come around a bit.

[SJ Reidhead]

Geez - #1 - the bane of my life. I put in an entirely new system of book shelves this summer. I may have exactly 3 feet of shelf space for books. That's counting about 200 linear feet of new shelf space. (That's only for non-fiction). My fiction is piled on shelves in two bedrooms.

SJ Reidhead
The Pink Flamingo!

It just dawned on me that I can create another 21 inches of shelf space if I transfer my books on the wild west to another room!

[Nicole Austin]

Great list! I think its safe to say you'll never hear me say any of those things either.

[Leeann]

Smart man with #7!

[Amy R]

LOL! I never hope it snows and I live in the land of ice and snow. I figure it should come for Christmas and then evaporate after New Year. But that's just my theory.

[Judy]

Very honest and thoughtful--I agree with many. I have lots of books, too. I think I could fit in another bookcase over by the window....

[Babyamore (Trish)]

Great list - heehee I did mine before I saw yours - mine is 13 things I won't ever say ...because most people are never going to meet me anyway !Did you get your idea from Skittles too !

[Joely]

This is great--I'll have to do something similar eventually! Happy TT!

[Lori]

LMAO...great list. So, no slasher movies for you, huh?? Wait, I already knew that:)Good choice for #7...you are a REAL man, and one that values his life;) Happy TT.

[Mary Emken]

As I buy books I have to put the others in boxes in the garage.I am not a fan of spots.I have three sons that were in spots when they were young and I went to see them play but, that was expected of me. I also won't let any one drive my car infact I can't stand to be in the passenger set either. I lived in Rhode Island when I was younger and didn't mind the snow then but, I Don't look forward to seeing it now. I like movies that make me laugh and never will I go see any slasher movies. I saw some one in a drive thru resterant pick up food with no gloves that cured me from going to any fast food resterants especially drive thru windows.Most green vegetables I will eat but, there are a few that just don't do any thing for my palate. No no on Indian or Chinese food. I like dogs but, I just can't seem to bring myself to own a cat. I'm sure they are great pets but, not for me. It's time for me to say good night and put my feet up with a good book.

[Christine]

I wouldn't go see a slasher movie but I would go out for East Indian food. I never use the phrase "in my humble opinion." Great TT. Love the photo too.

[WorksForMom]

Oh this was fun to read! A nice change up that had me giggling! Passing the veggies your way!

[Morgan]

Love #7. All men should learn that one. My husband has perfected the saying "yes" and "no" at the same time. :-) LOL

[pussreboots]

Another excellent list. I can drive a manual but I prefer not to.

Thank you for the recommendation of another Porter bio. I will keep it in mind. Happy TT.

[Wylie Kinson]

LOL! You're at your sarcastic best tonight.
Here's where I DISAGREE:

Not ALL Indian food is spicy. I make a lovely Khorma (to die for, in fact) and I'm crossing you off the invite list.
Veggies are delicious if they're cooked and seasoned properly. But you did grow up in the land of mushy peas, so I totally get it :)
And I LOVE SNOW. I went 18 years without and I'm happy to be back in the amazing land of four beautiful-in-their-own way seasons. There is nothing more exhilarating than a good fast tobaggan down a steep sloop. WEEEEEE!

[No Nonsense girl]

That's a very good Topic Nicholas!!! I will soon do one inspired by this. :)

Have a great day, visit me, mine's up!!!!

[cajunvegan]

Sarcasm ... one more service both you and I offer ... check out 13 suspensions I have already issued this year.

As far as #7 - smart man.

[Lara]

Great list! The first thing that struck me about #12 is: did you ever see the Lethal Weapon movies? Joe Pesci delivers the funniest line with the best inflection: "They f*** you at the drive-thru....!" when Murtaugh and Riggs try to get some burgers or something. It was so hysterical!

Also, you will never hear me turn down buying a book either -- !

Happy TT! And thanks for visiting!

[Laura]

#7 tells me you are a smart man..I can relate to #13 which I will say IMnotsoHO when I have one to share! LOL! Great list! Mine is up..please feel free to stop by and visit! Have a great weekend!

[Ed]

What a great TT. I feel most of them. I only wish I knew what it felt like to say #1.

Ed
http://edsthread.zathost.com

[The Gal Herself]

I am sooo with you on #10. Sorry, but I like what I like, and Indian ain't what I like. And Nicholas, I love that you're self-aware enough to list #13. Made me smile.

[L-Squared]

LOL! What a great list! You'd never catch me saying most of these things either, especially #2, 3, and 6.

[Xakara]

I take great pride in the fact that I have never asked #7 of anyone and put them in that position. They make mirrors so one can avoid messing with the psyche of others that way. *grin*

~X

[mom not mum]

Those were great. Now you have me craving Indian food.

[Alasandra]

Thanks for visiting my TT.

Great list, you can never have too many books.

[Coco]

Hahaha... awesome list! I will try to remember this when the TT gathering commences :D
And honestly, I probably won't be saying most of these things too!

[Danielle]

Ha Ha Ha!!! Great list--though I'm hoping to not be invaded any time soon ;-)

"It is beyond my ability to understand how people can put that green compost in their mouths, let alone bite down on it and swallow it." That's the way I feel about meat...I'm not a vegetarian, but if I didn't have a family to cook for, I would be ;-)

I like spicy food too, but Mexican, not Indian--different kind of spice!

As for slasher movies, I have to agree with ya. I'd rather have a suspense thriller with a plot, rather than a bunch of underdressed teens screaming, running as fast as they can, but never getting away from this monster that walks at a steadily slow pace!

I've always lived in the south, so I've never had the pleasure of seeing a lot of snow...I'm sure I would feel differently about my fondness of the messy white stuff after one 'real' winter ;-)

Have a great one!

[Aline de Chevigny]

LOL OK I agree with #1 and man would I love to see your library LOL

Aline

[Starrlight]

# 1 made me laugh out loud. If I ever said that out loud you can count on the fact that the devil is in a parka (with that snow that I will never wish for either!) and that the world as we know it will end soon!

[julia]

(re: #7)
I'm always tempted to just answer "Yes" so I can remind people that they value truth, and to not ask questions in order to hear a lie. ;)

I'm glad you used this theme! It was one of my favourites.

Happy TT.

[Sue]

This was definitely a fun list to read! Happy TT, and thanks so much for stopping by!

[Penny]

What a fun list! My husband is so with you on the Indian food. There is a group he does lunch with on occasion at work. When they say it's Indian week, he skips.

I never use the drive-thru! Not at the bank, not at the fast food place, not ever. I just prefer getting out of my car and doing my business face to face.

Thanks for stopping by my TT!

[tommiea]

great list....In reference to #7, my husband has taken to say, "well, this one looks better." The the item of clothing in question gets tossed into the Goodwill bag never to grace my body again!"

[Jennifer]

I could have written so many of these. Maybe we are twins separated at birth? :)

The only vegetable I eat is potatoes and they hardly count. I get a lot of grief about it.

My 13 this week is musical. Come by and see if you can guess the title and artist of the songs I listed.

[marilyn]

I'm with you on most of these but I love Indian food and some vegetables (mostly the ones that are technically fruits like peppers and tomatos) and I would feel trapped if I could not drive. There is no public transportation here and I'm not letting anybody dictate where I can go and when... I have to be able to get out and about sometimes.

[Secret Agent Mama]

I love your book lists but this one gave us more insight on Nicholas! LOVE IT!!! :D

[erin]

Hehe, #10 is something I've never heard before, and I definitely agree with #1, 3, and 4. Happy TT! Mine is events of 1981, the year I was born.

[momhuebert]

I enjoyed reading this list. You sound like an interesting person. Besides, I agreed with many of them!

Except the part about the vegetables. If your vegetables taste like compost, somebody cooked them wrong.

[Head Gaggler]

Ha, that was fun.

[Dawn]

Those are so fun. We have so many books, I don't have time to count them. I can drive a stick shift and I am teaching our 16 year old too. I don't like those slasher movies either. I do like Indian food, but not too hot.

Good list and interesting way to give some random facts.

[Cindy Swanson]

I have to agree with you on a lot of these...especially number one. I have a relentless passion for books!

I should try this idea on my TT sometime. :)

[emmak]

We are similar, I don't like Indian food much either unless it is mild.

Also I am a bibliophile like you. When I was a kid I was always walking down the street reading a book. But these days I don't buy books any more. I read about four books a week get them from the library. Maybe you will say the author's aren't getting the royalties but I just don't want to pay $10 for something I will read once.

[amanda j]

hahaha, this thursday thirteen made me laugh a lot! nice job.

[Samantha Lucas]

OMG Great, great list! Absolutely loved it. :)

[Andi & Stien]

Hahahaha! I just love your humour! Great list! I wish you a very happy TT...

Andi

[Vixen]

Good TT, funny list! Have a nice day!

[Laura]

Hi Nicholas! I left you a treat at my blog..come and get it! *smiles*

[Dane Bramage]

Well I must admit, I never heard of bunging before. And while all I have to do on my blog is double click the unknown word to get a definition, here I was forced to use other online resources and it still left me in the dark. Still I got a good laugh from some of the others items especially snow. It is not surprising about the number of inuit words for snow given the length of time they have to contemplate it during those northern winters.

Thanks for visiting my T13 #52 13 Comic books made into movies" and btw Captain America was a Captain in the U.S. Army (eventually). You should really wonder what Captain Marvel was a captain of.

[Denise Patrick]

I'm with you on the snow. I live in the Rockies and, of course, it snows, but I'm quite happy when the snow stays in the mountains and it is rain by the time it reaches the valley - and me.

Like you, I also NEVER go to slasher/horror movies. I don't see the point.

Thanks for visiting my TT!

[Maribeth]

So very funny. I differ from you on some of the things. I LOVE vegetables. I don't think there is a veggie I wouldn't eat
I also like to add spicy seasonings to foods. I especially love red hot peppers on my pizza.
The one about never answering yes to the question -Do I look fat in this-made me crack up. You certainly no what a woman truly want to hear:0

[Danica/Dream]

These are great!! I can definitely relate to #1, #2, and #6. And I always appreciate a person who's honest about something making a person look fat. :)

[EuroPosh]

drive thru?
fast food? you know this shit can kill you, right?

[Siani]

As interesting and entertaining a list as ever. I wholeheartedly agree with most of it, except the Indian food. If a curry tastes of nothing but spices - it was cooked by a rotten chef!

BTW, in response to your comment on my blog - Hay-on-Wye is just within the Welsh border, in the county of Powys. But for some bizarre reason, the Royal Mail is adamant it's in Herefordshire. So, to suit them, all mail sent to the town is addressed as "Hay-on-Wye, Herefordshire". I guess it's best not to confuse the poor loves, as they have immense problems getting mail to the correct addresses as it is.

[Di]

You will probably never hear me say, "Just a diet coke for me...I don't drink!" I like to drink wine or beer (hardly ever "hard" liquor or mixed drinks)...and find it particularly fun when it's lunchtime or early afternoon or some other slightly forbidden time. For me, Chardonnay or any white wine is the perfect afternoon drink as it can induce a lovely afternoon nap.

61 comments???? What are you doing, advertising on ESPN? Could you send some of you readers my way? Oh, I guess it's a give and take thing...I have not been very good about digging in and commenting on others' TT's. I must make that a Thursday priority. I'll put it on my calendar...on my calendar means it's got about a 95% chance of happening!

[Di]

Oh....and I'll rarely say, "Sorry, I simply can't golf today!"

[Jedi4sweet (Leslie)]

You're too funny! I like your list! I actually laughed out loud @ #7. ; ) And your #13---- yah, that's soooo true! I concur! ; )

Thanks for stopping by my blog! ; )

[Terri]

So funny! A great idea for a Thursday Thirteen list. I agree with just about all of this although I can't say that I've had Indian cuisine so I can't weigh in on that. And I still use a drive-thru occasionally though I agree with your assessment of them.

[Joanne]

I'm right there with you on number 1. I love books and music! Although with a one year old, I don't have much to read these days. Someone commented above about not buying books and only going to the library but I have to disagree...there's something about owning the book...even if it's bad.

[Ash]

You will never hear me say numbers 1,6,8 or 11. I moved away from Pennsylvania because I was so damn sick of the snow.
As for number 1, there is an awesome used bookstore just down the road from my house with paperbacks for 50 cents apiece. It does not get any better then that!

[tanabata]

This was a really fun list! I whole-heartedly agree with you on #1. The day I stop buying books, well .. I just can't imagine it! I do have to disagree with you on #3 and #6 though. I love most vegetables and I LOVE snow and lament the lack of it every winter! :P

[Norma]

Oh--I love vegetables, but I'm with you on most of these. I don't buy many new books, but I sure pick them out of freebie boxes, and sales.

My TT is up.

[Greg]

Great list, as usual.

[mica]

Hi.Thank you for dropping by at my blog.Anyways, the Nanny is made to go to Church.Maybe she likes it too.Most people in the Philippines are religious.

I wish I could have as many books as you have.You are quite a reader.

As a child, I do not like vegetables also.It can be learned.But of course, I would prefer meat too!

[Mathew James Didier]

Going to your number 13... mine aren't either... but I'm not above paying lip service to people to pretend a small amount of humility... they underestimate me then and it gives me an edge.

[RittyRats]

Hey, Nicholas! Thought I'd pop in for a visit....glad I did! This is a great idea; funny stuff! Perhaps I'll borrow this idea some day!
Have a great weekend!

[Wacky Mommy]

#7 -- wise, wise, wise of you.

[Hill]

I love this!!

I am so borrowing (outright stealing) this idea.

No. 5. Perfection!

You are so very polite.

With me it's like "HELL, no, you most certainly may NOT drive my car."

:lol: :lol:

[PinkJeweledCat]

This was a very fun list to read. You've got a quirky sense of humor that I really enjoy. I'm going to have to make a return trip now and again to read you. Thanks for coming by my blog. Ta for now dahling!

[Alan & Lynn]

Lots of fun!

[Harris Channing]

Great list. I'm with you about the snow...shiver. But hey, DOGS ARE PEOPLE TOO!!

:)

Harris.

[Irene]

I know I am not supposed to comment on another week's TT post, but I find this one quite interesting. So, if I may:
#1 Totally agree
#2 I usually like watching a good football match,and Wimbledon.However, I am writing up in my study right now while the family watches the Real vs Olympiakos match.(fyi:4-2)
#3 Ok then, you may pass them to me.
#4 Agree, though I miss our Darius, a totally, absolutely loving persian.
#5 Agree
#6 Makes sense, but I shall always dream of a White Christmas.
#7 How clever of you!
#8 No way. Better watch football.
#9 It's exactly like "nice", isn't it?
#10 One only has to sit next to a genuine indian-eater on nr.25 to agree with you.
#11 Ha ha ha.
#12 That's way too American for me.
#13 ...

[Annette S.]

Have to say - "not appropriate" is such a succinct way of saying no to kids - worked wonders with ours - still does... Sometimes less is more....