Two Interesting Conversations

I was in a doctor’s waiting room the other day, using it in a completely correct manner, because I was waiting.  My wife was in for a routine check-up and I was passing the time reading my book in the, thankfully, silent room (no blaring CNN or Fox News or piped music, I’m glad to say).  After a while, a sales rep for one of the pharmaceutical companies arrived, to speak to one of the doctors..  I was not trying to eavesdrop but in the silent room I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.

The rep started with “Hi, how’re you doin’?”  to which the doctor replied “I’m getting there!”  And for some reason they both followed this comment with hearty guffaws.   Then the rep said “Well, that’s progress.”  and they both laughed again.

Doctor:  Is it Friday yet?  (laughter from both)
Rep:  Not even close. It’s Tuesday!  (guffaws)
Doctor:  God, not even halfway there!  (chuckle chuckle)
Rep:  Well, what’re ya gonna do? (ha ha ha)
Doctor:  The weeks get slower and slower. (laughter)
Rep:  Tell me about it.  (almost falling about with laughter)

Then they got on to the actually reason for the visit, discussing drug supplies, ordering new batches and handing overt a few free samples.

I was interested how they had felt obliged to preface their business with that little bit of mindless small talk.  They weren’t telling each other anything, and even though they had pretended to laugh at each other’s comments, there was nothing the remotest bit funny about what either of them had said.  It was as though this bit of drivel was some sort of ritual that had to be gone through as they positioned themselves for the main business of the day, rather like a mating dance.  Did they really need a buffer between meeting and doing business?  Would the ordering and selling have gone any different if they had got straight down to it?  I suspect not.

Then a few days later I was in my local Starbucks, and unusually there was a queue at the counter.  As we were waiting to be served, the man ahead of me turned and asked me “Did you watch the Olympics yesterday?”  I took this to be a reference to something or other happening somewhere in the vicinity of Vancouver and I answered truthfully  “No, not really.  I don’t like sports.”   The odd thing was, he seemed unable to process this bit of information.

Him:  See the hockey game?
Me:  No. Like I say, I don’t like sports.
Him:  What about football?  Who’s your team?
Me:  Well, I don’t really have one.  I don’t like sports.
Him:  You been to a Gator game?
Me:  No,  I don’t like sports.
Him:  You should go. They’re great.

By now he had reached the front of the queue and placed his order so our little chat ended.  Once I had my coffee and was seated, I reflected for a moment no what had happened.  Leaving aside the assumption that everyone lies sport, I wondered why that conversation had taken place.  To be friendly?  Yes, maybe, but we met briefly as total strangers and as total strangers we parted company.  I think it was probably chat for its own sake. Just as nature abhors a vacuum, so human society abhors silence.
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Comments

[Xakara]

Hmm...I don't know if it's silence we abhor or the isolation silence brings.

I've been on long elevator rides with a group of strangers where everyone smiled and nodded but no one felt the need to speak. Those same elevator rides with one other person however have almost universally generated small talk.

In a large group simple acknowledgement seems to be enough. One on one however, we seem to crave confirmation that we are not alone. Many times this needed go beyond "good morning", but sometimes one person involved is so without companionship, (or so ingrained to interact), they cannot help but attempt a full conversation no matter how trivial it may be.

Yes, there are some people who are frightened by silence and others who love to hear themselves speak. But I think both are part of a longing to "be seen" more than any need to "be heard" which is why they aren't really saying anything of consequence.

Just my two cents, feel free to give back change :)

~Xakara

[J]

In a past life (meaning, many moons ago), I worked in Human Resources, and for some reason we all took a fairly complicated personality test. Mine came back saying that I need that buffer before we get down to business. That bit of chit chat, whether it's important or not. I'll admit that it's true. If someone were to call me into their office and say, "I need you to do this and that", and nothing else, I would be uncomfortable and think I had done something wrong or they were unhappy with my performance. If, however, they prefaced with, "Hi Julie, how are you? Good. I have a couple of things I'd like to talk about today", and then get on to the list of tasks, I take that much better, feel comfortable and like things are going well. Odd how people are wired differently, isn't it?

Then again, the two conversations you mentioned are extremely lame, and I would feel no need to be involved in either. But I might have done a bit of 'buffering' if I were that salesman.

[Rasmenia]

One of the things that I really like about living in France is that in general, people don't feel the need to be chatty with strangers. On the rare occasion that I do encounter a chatty stranger, I often pull the dumb foreigner card. "Désolée... je comprend pas... je parle pas le français trés bien."

Most people won't bother past that. Does it make me a rude person? Maybe. I figure it just makes me a person who'd rather be left alone, or capable of dealing with silence.

Your first example in the waiting room reminds me of every visit that my husband & I make to the U.S. He often tells me, "I don't get it... why do people here always have to have meaningless conversations with strangers? What they say means nothing & they don't even mean what they say."

[Magnon International]

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[kim]

Interesting post. I mostly stand quietly in line, hoping no one invades my space. : )